On being a Toddler
The other morning my 2 year old son and I had a very enlightening conversation about desires and needs. It went something like this;
my toddler ( in a very whiney voice): "I want a green bar"
Me: "You still have breakfast on your plate, you don't need other food. If you are hungry eat your breakfast."
Toddler: "Greeeeen barrrr!"
Me :"Eat your eggs"
Toddler: "Want a GREEN BAR! Bite from the fridge?!"
At this point I refused to discuss it any further. And then for the next half hour he kept asking for a "green bar" (it's the aldi brand of "Lara bars"), with the hopes, I suppose, that the answer might change. It didn't.
After about the fiftieth time of hearing my son request a bar, I was a bit exasperated. In that moment I suddenly had a revealing thought, I looked at my husband and said " I wonder if God ever feels like this about us." About me..
Does he get frustrated when I keep asking, even begging for things that I want or think I must have? Or for my circumstances to change. When, really, all that I need is right in front of me. And even when I know this, and I have my answer- he has made it pretty clear- I find myself asking again; like I think the answer might change.
Now, I know God is infinitely more patient than I am, so I imagine he doesn't quite get annoyed like this mama does, but perhaps he is occasionally exasperated at his dear sweet children when he gives us all that we need and even want, and suddenly we start asking for something different.
This thought made me pause. In it I realize that often I am still a toddler in my faith. I have always known Jesus. I grew up Catholic and though I spent a few years attending a pentecostal church in my teenage years, I never really left the church. I've always been christian. I've always sought relationship with Christ. I've been trying to live the faith my whole life, and yet, so much is still toddler speak in my communication with God.
I have my moments where I certainly feel closer to God. When I think I am more aged and mature in this walk with Christ, but ultimately I'm a toddler. I even have the "me do it" attitude to go with it all too often.
These are not things I'm particularly proud of, but here they are. In acknowledging this, I set myself in a great place for growth.
And oddly enough I'm comforted by the thought of being a toddler at times. It means that there is room and time to mature. It means I can work on listening to God more and more and trusting Him as my father.
I'm grappling with the challenges and changes of life and growing in my relationships and improving my communication daily.
I am not failing, I'm just a toddler.